But Seriously

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The 33rd edition of the Toronto International Film Festival kicks off this week. I remember the first one in 1976, christened The Festival of Festivals, like it was yesterday.

It was a different era, to be sure.

Diehard Toronto Maple Leaf fans were trying to remember the last time the Leafs won the Stanley Cup, Paul Godfrey was chasing an NFL team for the city and a band called the Rolling Stones was still touring. My, how times have changed.

Le Festival de Cannes wasn't hearing footsteps back then and TIFF wasn't part of the Hollywood marketing machine yet, but it served notice right out of the chute that it would be a force to reckon with by introducing several landmark movies. Among them:

TWO DALMATIANS

TIFF stood the movie industry on its ear by featuring the first-ever movie sequel as its showcase film.

Alas, Lassie, doing the voice-over for the second dalmatian, put a damper on the proceedings. She showed up hung-over in the piano bar at the Windsor Arms Hotel with her posse and began venting to the piano player. Blubbered the disgruntled star, "I'm sick and tired of being typecast as a dog. Truth is, I don't even want to act anymore. What I really want to do is direct. Oh, and honey, will you be a lamb and play I've Got You Under My Skin? It's for my fleas. They're the only ones who understand me."

STAR TREK, THE MOVIE: THE SEARCH TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HECK UHURA DOES

Yet another first for the festival, the first-ever TV series that spawned a movie.

Uh, oh there's trouble aboard the Starship Enterprise. Nobody know what Uhura is doing on the bridge and it's causing resentment. A mutiny is brewing.

"You know all these years, I've never seen her do anything," grumbles Bones to Scotty. "At least, Chekov says 'Kiptin' once in awhile."

Meanwhile, Captain Kirk is nowhere to be found as usual, having beamed down to an alien planet to teach a race of green-skinned women in miniskirts, bouffant hairdos and go-go boots the meaning of the word 'kiss'.

THE SWEDISH IS EASIER TO UNDERSTAND THAN THE SUBTITLES

Another Ingmar Bergman existential classic.

A medieval knight returns from the Crusades and is walking on the beach and bumps into Death, who challenges him to a game of Snakes and Ladders. The knight wins.

"How about best two out of three," whines Death.

KUNG FU THIS, JACK

Legendary Bruce Lee storms into the sound room and pummels the actor who dubbed his voice in his last movie.

THE PIERRE BERTON STORY

Heading a powerful contingent of Canadian films, it is said to be the sleeper of the festival and is yet another first. Ironically, at the time it was the first Canadian story not written by Pierre Berton.

 

You can reach Jamie at jamie.wayne@sympatico.ca.