Beach(es) Beat

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I would like to take this chance to say a few words on behalf of men. As a longtime member of this embattled division of the human race, I have learned to cope with the clamorous contentions on the part of some women that we are responsible for war, drought, famine and everything in between up to and including the high price of a six-pack.

Men bad, women good is the mantra we have had drilled into our soft little heads from our earlier days of infancy and while millions of men, myself included, tend to agree with this assessment in a general sort of way, I have finally reached the breaking point and it happened recently when I overheard two women talking, not an unusual occurrence in itself if I do say so, and they both agreed that the rainy summer we are all coping with is the fault of us men.

When I questioned them closely for their reasons in believing this, they launched into a 30-minute explanation and when I pressed on with my questioning they concluded by saying they know men are responsible for all the rain and they believe this to be true just because.

Because is a word invented by women for women and they use it whenever logic has been banished to the back seat and irrational indefensible arguments have taken over the driver's seat.

I may not be the smartest guy around but I do know when further resistance is useless so I slunk away in defeat, clutching what remained of my dignity around my shoulders like a tattered cloak.

I carried the emotional scars from that encounter for a while and then I encountered a story that will give me the perfect riposte the next time I get into a similar confrontation with members of the opposite sex.

A recent court case in London made the headlines recently when a British court awarded a woman $14,400 because one of the stiletto heels on the shoes she was wearing suddenly snapped off and sent her sprawling on the sidewalk.

This seems to me to be a reasonable amount because the unfortunate lady still cannot enjoy some of her favourite sports such as skiing and tennis even though the incident happened three years ago.

Doctors say she will eventually make a complete recovery, which is good news and not only that but I have the perfect retort if ever I argue with those women again.

I intend to listen to them politely while they harangue me then I shall draw myself up and tell them that men may all be heels but at least we are not stiletto heels. So there.